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Arsenic and Old Lace Cast 2 (Night 1)
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HillviewTV Team
·
December 03, 2022
·
1:39:00
Hillview's Cast 2 performance of Arsenic and Old Lace (Night 1)
Transcript
0:00
I
0:30
Thank you.
2:00
3, 2, 1.
2:57
Oh, Dr. Harper, my sister Martha and I have been talking all week about your wonderful sermon last Sunday.
3:03
That's very gratifying, Miss Brewster.
3:05
We've seen so many ministers come and go, but your sermons are not so much sermons as friendly talks.
3:11
Personally, I've always enjoyed my talks with Cardinal Gibbons.
3:14
Have I met him yet?
3:15
No, dear, not yet.
3:17
Ah, boy.
3:19
Won't you have another biscuit, Dr. Harper?
3:21
Oh, no.
3:21
I always eat too many of your biscuits just to taste that lovely jam.
3:25
I do hope they don't make us use that imitation flour again.
3:28
I mean, with all this war trouble, it may not be very charitable of me, but I've almost
3:33
come to the conclusion that this Mr. Hitler isn't a Christian.
3:37
If only Europe were on another planet.
3:39
Europe, sir?
3:40
Now, Teddy.
3:42
There's your danger!
3:42
There's your enemy!
3:44
Why, yes.
3:45
Yes, of course.
3:47
No, Aunt Abby! More talk about the canal!
3:49
Well, let's not talk about war.
3:51
I must admit, Miss Abby, that war and violence seem far removed from these surroundings.
3:55
It is peaceful here, isn't it?
3:57
Yes, peaceful.
3:59
This house has the gentle virtues that went out with candlelight, good manners, and low taxes.
4:04
It's just as it was when Grandfather Brewster built and furnished it.
4:07
Except for the electricity, it was Mortimer who persuaded us to put it in.
4:11
Yes, your nephew Mortimer seems to live...
4:13
Only by electric light.
4:15
I understand he's taking Lane to the theater again with him tonight.
4:18
Teddy, your brother Mortimer will be home a little later.
4:22
We're so happy that Lane Mortimer takes to the theater with him.
4:25
Well, it's a new experience for me to wait up until 3 o 'clock in the morning for my daughter to be brought home.
4:30
Oh, Dr. Harper, I hope you don't disapprove of Mortimer.
4:33
We'd feel so guilty if you did, Sister Martha and I.
4:36
I mean, since he was here in our home that your daughter met Mortimer.
4:39
Of course, Miss Abby.
4:41
I'll say immediately that I believe Mortimer himself to be quite a worthy gentleman.
4:45
I must also admit, however, that I've watched the growing intimacy between him and my daughter
4:50
with some trepidation. For one reason, Miss Abby, I'm speaking of your nephew's unfortunate
4:55
connection to the theater. The theater? Oh no, Dr. Harper. Mortimer
5:01
writes for a New York newspaper.
5:03
I know, Miss Abby, I know. But a dramatic critic is constantly exposed to the theater,
5:08
and I don't doubt but what...
5:09
Some of them do develop an interest in it.
5:11
Well, not Mortimer.
5:12
You need to have no fear of that.
5:14
Why, Mortimer hates the theater.
5:16
Oh, yes.
5:17
He writes awful things about the theater.
5:20
But, as he says, the theater can't last much longer anyways.
5:24
Yes, another year or two, perhaps.
5:26
But do you suppose that is?
5:28
No, thank you, Teddy.
5:33
Come in, Mr. Brophy.
5:35
Hello, Miss Brewster.
5:36
How are you, Mr. Klein?
5:37
Very well, Miss Brewster.
5:37
Good evening, gentlemen. What news have you brought me?
5:41
Colonel, we have nothing to report.
5:43
Splendid. Thank you. At ease.
5:45
You know, Dr. Harper?
5:46
Sure. Hello, Dr. Harper.
5:48
We've come for the Toys for Christmas Fund.
5:50
Oh, yes.
5:51
That's a splendid work you men do,
5:53
fixing up discarded toys to give poor children a happier Christmas.
5:56
It gives us something to do while we have to sit around at the station.
6:00
You get tired playing cards, and then you have to start cleaning your gun,
6:02
and first thing you know, you shot yourself in the foot.
6:06
Teddy, why didn't you go get that big box from your Aunt Martha's room?
6:10
How is Mrs. Brophy today?
6:12
Mrs. Brophy's been quite ill, Dr. Harper.
6:15
I'm sorry to hear that.
6:18
Oh, she's better now. A little weak still.
6:20
I'm going to get some beef broth to take to her.
6:22
Don't bother, Miss Abby. You've done so much with her already.
6:25
Wait, it's no trouble. Sister Martha made it this morning.
6:27
She's taking some to poor Mr. Banitski right now.
6:30
I won't be a minute. Sit down and be comfortable. All of you.
6:33
She shouldn't go until...
6:34
have trouble. Listen, try to stop her or her sister from doing anything nice, and for nothing. They
6:39
don't even care how you vote. When I first came to Brooklyn, my wife wasn't well. When she died,
6:43
and for the months before. Well, if I know what pure kindness and absolute generosity are,
6:49
it's because I've known the Brewster sisters. Colonel, you promised not
6:54
to do that. But I have
6:55
to call a cabinet meeting. He used to do that in the middle of the night. The neighbors are a little
6:58
afraid of him. Anyway. Oh, he's quite harmless. Suppose he-
7:02
think he's teddy roosevelt there's a lot worse people who could think he was darn shame when
7:07
i sound like this hatching cuckoo well his father the old girl's brother was some sort of
7:12
genius
7:12
wasn't he and their father teddy's grandfather seems to me i've heard he was a little crazy too
7:17
yeah crazy like a fox he made a million dollars really here in brooklyn yeah
7:22
pat in medicine he
7:24
was some kind of a quack of some sort old surgeon edwards remembers him he used his house here some
7:28
sort of clinic try them out on
7:30
people? Yeah, I heard he used to make mistakes occasionally, too. The department never bothered
7:35
him much because it's pretty useful in autopsies, especially poison cases. Well, whatever he did
7:40
left his daughters fixed for life. Thank God for that. Not that they ever spend any of it on
7:45
themselves. Yes, I'm well acquainted with their charities. You don't know a tenth of it. When I
7:49
was with the Missing Persons Bureau, we were trying to trace an old man that we never did find.
7:54
Did you know that there's a renting agency that's got this house down on its list for furniture?
7:58
rooms they don't rent rooms but you can bet that anybody who comes here looking for a room
8:02
goes away with a good meal and probably a few dollars in their pocket it's just their way of
8:07
digging up some people to do some good too well now isn't this nice good afternoon
8:12
miss brewster
8:12
good afternoon mr. brophy dr. harper mr. klein how are you miss brewster we dropped in to get
8:17
the christmas toys oh yes teddy's army navy they're all packed up the colonel's upstairs
8:22
after them it seems the cabinet has to okay oh yes i hope mrs. brophy's doing better she's doing
8:26
Fine, ma'am. You're just getting some soup for me to take to her.
8:29
Oh, yes. Abby and I made it this morning.
8:31
I brought some to a poor man who broke ever so many bones.
8:34
Oh, you're back, Martha. How is Mr. Benitsky?
8:37
Oh, dear, I'm afraid it's pretty serious.
8:39
The doctor was there and was going to amputate in the morning.
8:41
Can we be present?
8:42
No. I asked them, but they said it's against the rules of the hospital.
8:45
You couldn't be of any service.
8:47
And besides, you must bear yourself something.
8:49
Here's the broth, Mr. Bofi. Be sure it's good and hot.
8:53
This is fine. It'll make a lot of...
8:54
happy. That O'Malley boy is nuts
8:56
about soldiers. That's General Miles.
8:58
I've retired him.
9:00
What's this? The organ? Teddy, dear,
9:02
put it back. But the organ goes to Australia!
9:04
Now Teddy... No! I've given my words
9:06
to Fighting Bob Evans. But Teddy...
9:09
What's the difference what kid
9:10
gets it? Bobby Evans? Izzy Cohen?
9:13
We'll run along, ma'am, and thank you
9:14
very much. Not at all.
9:19
I must be getting home.
9:21
Before you go, Dr. Harper...
9:22
Charge! Charge the blockhouse!
9:25
The blockhouse?
9:26
The stairs are always stay on one hill.
9:28
Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
9:31
But he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
9:33
Once, a long time ago. Remember, Martha?
9:36
We thought if he meant to be George Washington, it might be a change for him.
9:39
But he just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
9:42
And we'd so much rather he be Mr. Roosevelt than nobody.
9:45
Well, if he's happy, and what's more important, you're happy,
9:48
you'll see to it that he signs these.
9:51
What are they?
9:52
Dr. Harper's made all the arrangements for Teddy to go to Happydale Sanitarium after we pass on.
9:57
Why should Teddy sign papers now?
9:59
It's better to have everything worked out.
10:01
If the Lord should take you away suddenly, perhaps we couldn't get Teddy to commit himself.
10:05
And that would mean an unpleasant legal procedure.
10:07
Mr. Witherspoon understands that it'd be filed away until the time comes to use them.
10:11
Mr. Witherspoon, who's he?
10:12
He's the superintendent of Happydale.
10:14
Dr. Harper's arranged for him to drop in tomorrow or the next day to meet Teddy.
10:18
I must be getting...
10:19
Come now, or Elaine will be over here looking for me.
10:21
Give our love to Elaine, and Dr. Harper, please don't think harshly a Mortimer
10:25
because he's a dramatic critic. Somebody has to do those things.
10:30
Abby, did you just have tea? Isn't it rather late?
10:33
Yes, dear, and dinner's going to be late, too.
10:35
So why?
10:36
Teddy, good news for you. You're going to Panama and dig another lock for the canal.
10:41
Delighted. That's bully, just bully. I shall prepare months for the journey. Charge!
10:47
while I was out?
10:48
Yes, dear.
10:49
I just couldn't wait for you.
10:50
I didn't know when you'd be back,
10:52
and Dr. Harper was coming.
10:53
But all by yourself?
10:54
Oh, I got along fine.
10:55
Well, I'll go run downstairs and see.
10:57
There wasn't time, and I was all alone.
10:59
Well, my sir.
11:01
Just look in the window seat.
11:03
Who can that be?
11:07
Oh, it's Elaine.
11:08
Come in, dear.
11:09
Good afternoon, Miss Daddy.
11:11
My father was here.
11:12
He left just this minute.
11:13
Didn't you meet him?
11:14
No, I took the...
11:15
shortcut through the cemetery. Mortimer hasn't come yet? No, dear. Oh, he told me to meet him
11:19
here. Do you mind if I wait? Not at all. Why don't you sit down, dear? You
11:24
know, Mortimer was brought
11:25
up to know better. When a gentleman takes a lady out, he must call her at her house. He's done this
11:30
too often. We're going to speak to him. Oh, no, please don't. After a gentleman whose idea of a
11:34
nightlife was to take me to a prayer meeting, it's wonderful to go to the theater almost every night
11:38
of my life. And it's comforting for us, too, because if Mortimer has to see some of those plays I see,
11:43
At least he's sitting next to a minister's daughter.
11:48
My goodness, Lane.
11:49
What must you think of us, not having tea cleared away by this time?
11:54
All right, Abby, don't bother with anything in the kitchen until Mortimer comes,
11:57
and then I'll help you.
11:58
Mortimer should be here any minute now.
12:00
Yes, father must have been surprised not to find me at home.
12:02
I'd better run along and say goodnight to him.
12:04
It's a shame you missed him, dear.
12:05
If Mortimer comes, you tell him I'll be right back.
12:10
Hello, Mort.
12:10
Hello, Lane.
12:11
Hello, Aunt Martha.
12:12
Abby, Mortimer's here.
12:14
Were you going somewhere?
12:15
Just to tell Father not to wait up for me tonight.
12:17
I didn't know that was still being done, even in Brooklyn.
12:21
Hello, Mortimer.
12:22
Hello, Aunt Abby.
12:23
How are you, dear?
12:24
All right, and you look well.
12:25
You haven't changed much since yesterday.
12:27
My goodness, it was yesterday.
12:29
We're seeing a great deal of you lately.
12:31
Well, come, sit down, sit down.
12:33
Abby, haven't we something to do in the kitchen?
12:36
You know, the tea things?
12:38
Oh, yes, yes, the tea.
12:39
She thinks, will you two just make yourselves at home?
12:43
Just make yourselves at home.
12:47
Well, that was obvious.
12:49
Where do you want to go for dinner?
12:51
Oh, I don't care. I'm not very hungry.
12:52
Well, I just had breakfast.
12:54
Suppose you wait until after the show?
12:55
But that'll make it late, won't it?
12:57
Not with the little stinker we're seeing tonight.
12:59
From what I've heard about it, we'll be out by 10 o'clock.
13:01
You ought to be fair to these plays.
13:02
Are these plays fair to me?
13:03
I've never seen you walk out on a musical before.
13:06
Musicals somehow have a humanized...
13:07
effect on you after a serious play we joined the common people in the subway and i listened to a
13:12
lecture on the drama after a musical you take me home in a taxi and we're both in a good mood now
13:16
wait a minute dong that's a very inaccurate piece of reporting well it wasn't after our first
13:21
musical you told me i had nice legs and i have too well
13:27
i'll better run along and tell father
13:30
not to wait up for me my falling in love with a girl who lives in brooklyn falling in love the only
13:35
way I can regain myself is to keep you in New York. Elaine, will you marry me? Oh,
13:42
Mortimer.
13:43
How about tonight? I'm afraid Father will insist on officiating. Oh, gosh. Are you perhaps writing
13:48
a review on it? Forgive me, darling, it's an occupational disease. I may give that play tonight
13:53
a good notice. Well, don't pretend you love me that much. Well, I'll talk it over with Father
13:57
and set the date. No, we'll have to see what's in rehearsal. There'll be a lot of other opening
14:00
nights in October.
14:04
Hello, Mortimer.
14:05
How are you, Mr. President?
14:06
Ah, Bully, what news have you brought me?
14:08
Justice, Mr. President, the country is squarely behind you.
14:11
Yes, I know, isn't it wonderful?
14:13
Well, goodbye.
14:16
Where are you off to, Teddy?
14:19
Panama's the seller.
14:20
He digs locks for the canal down there.
14:22
Oh, you're so sweet with him.
14:23
He's so fond of you.
14:24
Yes, Teddy was always my favorite brother.
14:27
There are more of you?
14:28
There's another brother, Jonathan.
14:30
Oh, I've never heard of him.
14:31
Your aunt's never mentioned...
14:32
No, we don't like to talk about Jonathan. He left Brooklyn very early, by request.
14:37
Jonathan was the kind of boy who liked to cut worms in two, with his teeth.
14:42
What became a fan?
14:43
I don't know. He wanted to become a surgeon, like grandfather, but he wouldn't go to medical school first, and his practice got
14:48
him in trouble.
14:51
We're going to be late for the theater.
14:52
We're skipping dinner. We won't have to start for half an hour.
14:54
Well then, I'll leave you two alone together again.
14:57
Oh, don't bother, Miss Abby. I'm going to run over to tell Fa-
15:00
to speak to father. He likes to pray over me
15:02
a little before we go out together.
15:04
Well, I'll be right back. I'll cut through the cemetery.
15:07
Oh, Mortimer,
15:08
we knew Elaine would be a good influence on you.
15:10
Oh, by the way, I'm going to marry
15:12
her. What? Oh, darling!
15:14
Martha, Martha, come in here!
15:16
I've got the most wonderful news for you.
15:18
Mortimer and Elaine are going to be
15:20
married. Married? Oh, Mortimer!
15:22
We hoped it would happen just like this.
15:24
Oh, Elaine must be the happiest girl in the world.
15:26
Happy? Just look at her.
15:28
Leaping over those gravestones.
15:32
Oh, by the way, I left a large envelope around here last week.
15:35
It was one of the chapters of my book on Thoreau.
15:37
Have you seen it?
15:37
Well, if you left it here, it must be here somewhere.
15:39
When are you going to be married?
15:41
What are your plans?
15:42
There must be something you can tell us about, Elaine.
15:45
Oh, Elaine thought it was brilliant.
15:46
Thought what was, dear?
15:47
My chapters on Thoreau.
15:49
Well, when Elaine comes back, I think we ought to have a little celebration.
15:52
We must drink to your happiness.
15:54
Martha, isn't there some of that Lady Baltimore...
15:56
cake left? Oh, yes. And I'll open
15:58
a bottle of wine. I wouldn't think it happened in
16:00
this room. Now, where could I
16:02
put that? Well, with your
16:05
fiancé sitting beside you
16:06
tonight, I do hope the play will be
16:08
something of what you can enjoy. It may even
16:10
be romantic. What's the name of it?
16:15
Murder Will Out.
16:16
Oh, dear. The curtain goes up
16:18
and the first thing you'll see is a dead body.
16:33
Aunt Abby?
16:34
Yes, dear?
16:35
You were going to make plans for Teddy to go to that sanitarium Happydale?
16:39
Yes, dear. It's all arranged.
16:41
Dr. Harper's here today and brought the papers for Teddy to sign.
16:43
Here they are.
16:44
He's got to sign them right away.
16:46
Yes, that's what Dr. Harper thinks.
16:47
Then there will be any legal difficulties after we pass on.
16:50
He's got to sign them right now.
16:52
He's down in the cell.
16:52
Get him up here, this minute.
16:54
There's no such hurry as that.
16:55
No, when Teddy starts working on the canal, he can't get his mind on anything else.
16:59
Teddy has got to go to Happydale now, tonight.
17:02
No, dear, that's not until after we're gone.
17:04
Right away, I tell you, right away.
17:06
Mortimer, as long as we live, we'll never be separated from Teddy.
17:09
Listen, darlings, I'm sorry, but I've got some shocking news for you.
17:13
You know how we've sort of humored Teddy because we thought he was harmless?
17:16
Well, he is harmless.
17:18
He was harmless.
17:19
That's why he has to go to Happydale.
17:20
Why he has to be confined?
17:23
Mortimer, why have you suddenly turned against Teddy, your own brother?
17:26
You've got to know sometime. It may as well be now.
17:29
Teddy's killed a man.
17:30
Nonsense, dear.
17:31
There's a body in the window seat.
17:33
Yes, dear, we know.
17:36
You know?
17:37
Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy.
17:39
Now, Mortimer, just forget about it. Forget you ever saw a gentleman.
17:43
We never dreamed you'd peek.
17:44
But who is he?
17:45
His name is Hoskins. Adam Hoskins. That's all real.
17:49
know about him except he's a mess at us that's all you know about him well what's he doing here
17:53
what happened to him he died and martha men don't just get into window seats and die no
17:59
he died
18:00
first well how oh mortimer don't be so inquisitive the gentleman
18:05
died because he drank some wine
18:06
with poison in it how did the poison get into the wine well we put it in the wine because it's less
18:11
noticeable when you put it in tea it has a distinct odor you put it in the wine yes and
18:16
i
18:17
I put Miss Troskins in the window seat because Dr. Harper was coming.
18:20
So you knew what you'd done.
18:21
You didn't want Dr. Harper to see the body.
18:24
Well, not at tea.
18:25
That wouldn't have been very nice.
18:27
Now, Mortimer, you know the whole thing.
18:28
Just forget about it.
18:29
I do think Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets.
18:32
Oh, and don't tell Lane.
18:33
Oh, Abby, while I was out, I dropped it on Mrs. Schultz.
18:37
She's doing much better, but she would like us to take Junior to the movies again tomorrow.
18:40
But this time, we're going where we want to go.
18:42
I'm not letting Junior drag us into another one of those scary pictures.
18:47
Good job, slow down.
18:54
Hello, city desk.
18:57
Al, do you know who this is?
19:00
That's right.
19:01
Say, when I left the office, I told you where I was going, right?
19:04
Where did I stay?
19:06
That's right.
19:07
Well, it took me about a half hour to get to Brooklyn.
19:09
What time have you got?
19:11
That's right.
19:12
Then I must...
19:13
be here. And Abby and Martha, come in here. What are we going to do? What
19:18
are we going
19:19
to do? Now, Mortimer, you behave yourself. You're told to be flying off the handle like
19:23
this. But Mr. Hotchkiss! Hopkins, dear. Well, whatever his name is, you can't leave him
19:28
there. We don't intend to, dear. No, Teddy's down in the cellar now, digging the lock.
19:32
You mean you're going to bury Mr. Hotchkiss in the cellar? Well, that's what we did with
19:36
the others. No, you can't bury others! The other gentlemen. Wouldn't you say?
19:41
Others? Do you mean others? More than one others?
19:45
Yes, let's say this is...
19:48
Eleven, right, Abby?
19:50
No, dear, this makes twelve.
19:51
No, Abby, this is only eleven.
19:53
No, dear, because I remember when Mr. Hoskins first came in,
19:57
it occurred to me that he would make just an even dozen.
19:59
Well, you really shouldn't count the first one.
20:01
Oh, I was counting the first one, so that makes it twelve.
20:05
Hello? Oh.
20:09
Hello, Al. My, it's good to hear your voice.
20:11
Well, they're all down in the cellar now.
20:14
No, Al, I'm glad you called.
20:16
Get a hold of George right away.
20:17
He's got to review the plate tonight. I can't make it.
20:20
No, Al, George has got to recover the plate tonight.
20:23
This is my department, and I'm running it.
20:24
You get a hold of George.
20:26
Now, let's see. Where were we?
20:29
Yes, dear. Abby says we ought to count the first one, and that makes twelve.
20:33
All right. And Martha?
20:35
Tell me, who was the first one?
20:37
Mr. Midgley, he was a Baptist.
20:40
Well, I still think we can't take credit for him because he just died.
20:44
Martha means without any help from us.
20:45
You see, Mr. Midgley came here looking for a room.
20:48
It was right after he moved to New York.
20:49
And didn't see Martha that loved the room to be going to waste when there were so many people who needed it.
20:54
He was such a lonely old man.
20:55
All his kids and kin were dead and left him so alone and unhappy.
20:59
We felt so sorry for him.
21:00
And then when his heart attack came and he sat dead in that chair looking so...
21:05
So peaceful. Remember, Martha? We made a promise then and there that if we got all other lonely old
21:10
men to the same peace, we would.
21:12
He fell dead in that chair? How awful for you.
21:16
No, dear. Why, it was rather like old times. Your grandfather used to always have a cadaver to around the house.
21:20
You see, Teddy was digging Panama and thought Mr. Midgley was the yellow fever victim.
21:23
That may have to be buried immediately.
21:26
So we took him down to Panama and put him in the lock. That's why we told you not to worry about it, because we already know it's to be
21:31
done.
21:31
So that's how this all started.
21:33
That man walking in here and dropping dead?
21:35
Of course, we realized we couldn't depend on that happening again, so...
21:39
You remember those jars of poison up in the shelves of Grandfather's laboratory?
21:42
You know you aren't Martha's knack for mixing things.
21:44
You've had enough of a pickle lily.
21:45
Well, dear, for a gallon of elderberry wine, I put one teaspoon of arsenic,
21:50
a half teaspoon of strychnine, just a pinch of cyanide.
21:53
Should have quite a kick.
21:55
Yes, as a matter of fact, one of our gentlemen found time to say how delicious.
21:59
Well, I must get things started in the kitchen.
22:01
I wish you could stay for...
22:02
dinner. I'm trying out a new recipe. Oh, I couldn't eat a thing. I'll come and help you, dear. Well,
22:07
I feel so much better now. Oh, you have to wait for Elaine, don't you? How happy you
22:12
must be. Well, dear, I'll leave you alone with your thoughts.
22:43
Oh! Oh, it's you. Don't be cross, darling. Father could see I was excited, so I told him
22:48
about us,
22:49
and it made it hard for me to get away. Oh, you run along home, Elaine, and I will call you out
22:52
tomorrow. Tomorrow? You know I always call you every day or two. But we're going to the theater
22:56
tonight. No, no, we're not. Well,
22:59
Elaine, something's come up.
23:01
I'm just not covering that plate tonight.
23:03
Now, you run along home.
23:04
I'll call you up later.
23:05
But I've got to know what's happened.
23:06
Certainly, you can tell me.
23:07
No, I can't.
23:08
But if we're going to be married.
23:10
Have you forgotten that not 15 minutes ago you proposed to me?
23:13
Oh, yes.
23:14
Well, as far as I know, that's still on.
23:15
Now, please run along home, Elaine.
23:16
There's something I've got to do.
23:18
You can't propose to me one minute and throw me out the next.
23:20
I'm not throwing you out, darling.
23:22
Will you please get out of here?
23:24
No, I won't.
23:24
Not until I've had some kind of...
23:26
Well, nation.
23:28
Oh, no, Elaine.
23:33
Hold on a minute, will you?
23:36
Listen, Elaine, you're sweet and I love you,
23:38
but I want you to go home and wait until I call you up.
23:40
Don't try to be masterful.
23:41
When we're married and I have problems to face,
23:43
I hope you're less tedious and uninspired.
23:45
And when we're married, if we're married,
23:47
I hope I find you satisfactory.
23:56
Oh, no.
24:02
Hello, Al?
24:05
That's the doorbell, dear, not the telephone.
24:11
How do you do?
24:13
I understand you have a room to rent.
24:15
Won't you step in?
24:16
Are you the lady of the house?
24:18
Yes, I'm Miss Brewster.
24:19
And this is my sister, another Miss Brewster.
24:21
My name is G-
24:22
When you sit down, I'm sorry, we were just sitting at the table for dinner.
24:26
Can you guys see the room?
24:27
Let me talk to Al again. City desk. Al! City desk! What?!
24:32
Oh, I'm sorry. Wrong number.
24:34
Why don't you sit down first and let's see the table before you see the room.
24:37
That won't do much good if I don't like the room.
24:39
Is Brooklyn your home?
24:40
Haven't got a home. Live in a hotel. Don't like it.
24:43
Hello? City desk?
24:44
Are your family Brooklyn people?
24:46
Haven't got any family.
24:47
All alone in the world?
24:49
Well, Martha...
24:50
You've come just to the right house.
24:52
Do sit down.
24:53
Hello, Al?
24:54
Mort, we got cut off.
24:56
Listen, Al, I can't cover the plate tonight.
24:58
That's all there is to it.
24:59
I can't.
25:01
What church do you go to?
25:02
There's an Episcopal church practically next door.
25:05
I'm a Presbyterian.
25:06
What's George doing in Bermuda?
25:08
Oh, well, certainly I told him he could go to Bermuda.
25:11
It's my department, isn't it?
25:13
Well, there must be somebody around the office.
25:15
Is there always this much noise?
25:17
Oh, he doesn't live with us.
25:18
There must be somebody.
25:20
Uh, you know, how about the office boy?
25:22
You know, the bright one?
25:23
The one we don't like?
25:24
Well, you look around the place.
25:26
You know, I'd really like to see the room.
25:28
It's upstairs.
25:29
Won't you try a glass of our wine before we start up?
25:31
Never touch it.
25:32
But this is elderberry wine.
25:34
We make it ourselves.
25:36
Elderberry wine?
25:36
Well, I haven't had elderberry wine since I was a boy.
25:39
Thank you.
25:40
Well, there must be some printers around.
25:42
How about Joe?
25:43
He's the thermo-team from the left.
25:45
Do you have your own elderberry bushes?
25:47
No, but the cemetery is full of them.
25:48
No, I'm not drinking, but I'm going to start now.
25:50
Do you serve meals?
25:51
We might.
25:52
Let's try to see whether you like our wine.
25:56
Uh-uh-uh.
26:00
Not that.
26:02
Get out of this house!
26:03
Do you want to be murdered?
26:04
Do you want to be poisoned?
26:05
Do you want to be killed?
26:09
Now you've spoiled everything.
26:12
You can't do things like that.
26:14
It's not only against...
26:15
the law, it's wrong. People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. Abby,
26:20
we shouldn't have
26:20
told Mortimer. What I'm trying to say is this has developed into a very bad habit. Mortimer,
26:26
we don't try to stop you from doing things you like to do. I don't see why you should interfere
26:30
with us. Oh my gosh. Hello? All
26:35
right, I'll see the first act and I'll pan the heck out of it.
26:38
But, Al, you've got to do something for me. Get a hold of O'Brien, the head of our legal department.
26:42
Have him meet me at the theater.
26:44
All right, I'm starting now.
26:46
Listen, I've got to go to the theater.
26:48
I can't get out of it.
26:49
But before I go, will you two promise me something?
26:51
Well, we'd have to know what it is first.
26:52
I love you very much, and I know you love me.
26:54
But I want you to do just this little thing for me.
26:56
What do you want us to do?
26:57
Don't do anything.
26:59
I mean, don't do anything.
27:00
Don't let anyone in this house and leave Mr. Hoskins right where he is.
27:04
Well, we were planning on holding services before dinner.
27:07
Certainly don't think we'd bury Mr. Hoskins without a full Methodist service.
27:11
He was a Methodist.
27:12
Well, can't that wait until I get back?
27:14
Oh, yes, then you could join us.
27:16
Yes! Yes!
27:17
Oh, Mortimer, you'll enjoy the services.
27:20
Remember how beautifully Mortimer is sitting in the car before his voice changed.
27:23
And remember, you're not going to let anyone in this house while I'm gone.
27:26
It's a promise.
27:28
Oh, Martha, we can do that now that Mortimer is cooperating with us.
27:31
Well, all right, Mortimer.
27:34
Oh, do you have some paper?
27:36
I'll get back just as soon as I can.
27:37
There's a man I've got to see.
27:40
Here's some stationery. Will this do?
27:41
This will be fine. I can save time if I write my review on the way to the theater.
27:46
Mortimer didn't seem quite like himself today.
27:48
No, I suppose I know why.
27:51
He's just become engaged to be married.
27:53
I suppose that always makes a man nervous.
27:55
Well, if Mortimer's going to be joining us for the services,
27:57
we'll need another hymnal. There's one in my room.
27:59
You know, dear, it really is my turn to read the services.
28:03
But since you weren't here when Mr. Hoskins came, I want you to do it.
28:06
Oh, that's very kind of you, dear.
28:07
but are you sure you want me to?
28:09
It's only fair.
28:10
Well, I think I'll wear my black bombazine
28:12
and mother's old brooch.
28:14
Who do you suppose that is?
28:16
Abby, we promised we wouldn't let anyone in the house.
28:18
Who do you think it is?
28:19
I don't know. I'll go see.
28:25
It's two men. I've never seen them before.
28:29
There's a car at the curb. They must have come in that.
28:31
Let me look.
28:34
Do you recognize them?
28:35
strangers to me. We'll just have to pretend that we're not home. Come
28:41
in, doctor. This is the home
28:43
of my youth. Yeah, Choney. It's a fine hideout. The family must still live here.
28:48
There's something
28:49
so unmistakably Brewster about the Brewsters. I hope a fatted calf awaits
28:54
the return of the
28:55
prodigal. Yeah, I'm hungry. Oh, look, Choney. Drinks. As
29:01
we expected. A good omen.
29:04
Who are you? What are you doing here?
29:07
Why Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha, it's Jonathan.
29:10
Oh, no, you're not. You're nothing like Jonathan, so don't pretend you are.
29:13
You just get out of here.
29:15
But I'm Jonathan, your nephew, Jonathan.
29:18
You get out of here.
29:19
But I am Jonathan, and this is Dr. Einstein.
29:23
He's not Dr. Einstein either.
29:25
Not Dr. Albert Einstein, Dr. Herman Einstein.
29:28
Who are you? You're not our nephew, Jonathan.
29:31
I see you're...
29:32
still wearing that lovely garden ring
29:33
that Grandma the Brewster bought in England.
29:35
And you, Aunt Martha,
29:38
still the high collar to cover
29:39
the sky where Grandfather's acid
29:41
burned you. Well, his voice is like Jonathan's.
29:44
Have you been
29:45
in an accident? No, my face.
29:48
Why, Dr. Einstein is responsible
29:49
for that. He's a plastic surgeon.
29:52
He changes people's faces.
29:54
But, Abby, remember when we took
29:55
that little shorts boy to the movies and I was so frightened?
29:58
It was that face.
30:00
Tony, easy. Don't worry, ladies.
30:02
The last five years, I gave Tony three new faces.
30:04
I gave him another one right away.
30:06
This last face, well, I saw the pictures just before I operate.
30:10
And I was intoxicated.
30:11
See, doctor? See what you've done to me?
30:14
Even my own family.
30:15
Tony, you're home in this lovely house.
30:17
How often he tells me about Brooklyn.
30:19
About this house, I was asked that he loved so much.
30:22
Speak to him, Tony. You know it's Jonathan.
30:24
Speak to him. Tell him so.
30:26
Well, Jonathan, it's been a long time.
30:28
What have you been doing all these years?
30:30
Yes, Jonathan, where have you been all these years?
30:32
Oh, England, South Africa, Australia, the past five years Chicago.
30:37
Dr. Einstein and I were in business together.
30:41
Oh, we were in Chicago for the World's Fair.
30:43
We found it awfully warm.
30:45
Yeah, it got off us too.
30:46
Well, it's wonderful to be back in Brooklyn again.
30:49
And you, my dear aunts, just as I remembered.
30:54
Sweet, charming.
30:57
And dear Teddy, my brother doctor was determined to become president.
31:01
Oh, Teddy's fine, just fine. Mortimer's well, too.
31:04
I know about Mortimer, a dramatic critic. I see he's evidently fulfilled
31:09
his early nasty nature.
31:12
We're very fond of Mortimer.
31:13
Well, Jonathan, it was very nice to have seen you again.
31:16
Bless you, Aunt Martha. It's good to be home again.
31:19
Well, we must know what's on the stove boil over.
31:23
Oh, yes, if you'll-
31:24
Excuse us, unless you're in a hurry to go somewhere.
31:27
Well, Choni, where do we go from here?
31:29
The police have got pictures of that face.
31:32
I got to operate on you right away.
31:34
We got to find a place for that.
31:35
We got to find a place for Mr. Spinazzo, too.
31:38
Don't waste any worry on that rat.
31:40
But, Choni, we got hot steak on our hands.
31:43
Forget Mr. Spinazzo.
31:45
But you can't sleep with a dead body in a rumble-out seat.
31:47
Shouldn't have killed him, Choni.
31:49
He's a nice fellow.
31:50
He gives us a lift.
31:52
And what happened?
31:52
He said I look like Frankenstein
31:55
That's your work, Doctor
31:56
You did that to me
31:58
Johnny, we find a place and I fix you up quick
32:00
Tonight
32:01
I bet I got to eat first, I'm hungry, I'm weak
32:05
Jonathan, we're glad that you remembered us
32:07
And took the time to come in and say hello
32:09
But you were never happy in this house
32:10
We were never happy while you were in it
32:12
So we've just come in to say goodbye
32:13
My dear aunt, I've spent a great many hours
32:17
Regretting the many heartaches I must have given you as a boy
32:20
Quite a trial to us, Jonathan.
32:22
But my great disappointment is for Dr. Einstein.
32:25
I promised him that in passing through Brooklyn,
32:27
I'd take him here for one of Aunt Martha's home-cooked dinners.
32:32
I'm afraid there wouldn't be enough.
32:33
Well, Abby, it's a pretty good-sized pot roast.
32:35
Pot roast?
32:36
Well, I think it's the least we can do.
32:38
Thank you, Aunt Martha.
32:39
We'll stay to dinner.
32:40
Well, we'll hurry it along.
32:42
Oh, Jonathan, if you want to freshen up,
32:45
why don't you use the washroom in Grandfather's laboratory?
32:48
we get a meal anyway. Grandfather's laboratory. Doctor, a perfect operating room.
32:54
Too bad we
32:54
can't use it. Why, once you're done with me, we can make a fortune here. There's
33:00
grandfather's
33:00
laboratory, the ward in the attic, ten beds, doctor. Practically everyone in Brooklyn
33:05
needs a
33:06
new face. Easy, Tony. Your aunts, they don't want us here. We're staying to dinner, aren't we?
33:11
Yeah,
33:11
but after dinner? Leave it to me. Why, this place will be our headquarters for years. Oh,
33:16
that's
33:16
Beautiful choni, this nice quiet house, those aunts of yours, what sweet ladies.
33:22
I love them already.
33:23
I get a begs, yeah?
33:24
Doctor, we must wait until we're invited.
33:27
But if they say no.
33:28
Two helpless old ladies.
33:31
It's like comes through a beautiful dream.
33:33
If I only hope you're not dreaming.
33:35
It's so peaceful.
33:36
That's what makes this house so perfect.
33:39
It's so peaceful.
34:07
Well, Jonathan, you've led a very interesting life, I'm sure, but we really shouldn't have
34:11
allowed you to talk so late.
34:13
Dear aunts, I might say my meeting Dr. Einstein changed the whole course of my life.
34:18
I started in South Africa, then Amsterdam.
34:21
I wanted to go back to South Africa, and Dr. Einstein made it possible for
34:27
me.
34:27
A good job, Chony.
34:28
When we take off the bandages, his face looks so different.
34:32
You're not such a introduce me.
34:34
I love that face.
34:35
I still keep the picture with me.
34:37
Well, this looks more the way it used to, but I still wouldn't recognize you.
34:41
I think we'll go back to that face, Doctor.
34:44
Yeah, it's safe now.
34:46
Well, I know I both want to get to where you're going.
34:48
Oh, my dear aunt, I'm so full of that delicious dinner.
34:53
I'm unable to move a muscle.
34:55
Yeah, it's nice here.
34:57
After all, it's very late, Anne.
34:59
Oh, I found it! I found it!
35:00
What did you find, Teddy?
35:02
The story of my life.
35:03
My biography.
35:05
Here's the picture I was telling you about, General.
35:07
That's me, and that's you.
35:09
My, how I've changed.
35:11
Well, you see, this picture hasn't been taken yet.
35:14
And now, General Gothels, we will go to Panama and inspect the new lock for the canal.
35:18
No, Teddy, not to Panama.
35:20
We go some other time. Panama's a long way off.
35:23
Nonsense. It's just down the cellar.
35:25
The cellar?
35:26
We let him dig the Panama Canal in the cellar.
35:28
General Gothels, as President of the United States, Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy,
35:32
I demand that you accompany me on the inspection of the new lock.
35:36
Teddy, I think...
35:37
It's time you went to bed.
35:38
Pardon me, who are you?
35:40
I'm Woodrow Wilson.
35:41
Go to bed.
35:43
No, you're not Wilson.
35:45
But your face is familiar, maybe later.
35:47
Oh, yes, on my hunter trip to Africa.
35:49
You look like someone I might meet in the jungle.
35:52
It's your brother, Jonathan, dear.
35:54
He thought his face changed.
35:55
So that's it, a nature faker.
35:57
Perhaps you'd better go to bed, Teddy.
35:59
Jonathan and his friend have to get going back to their hotel.
36:01
General Gothels, inspect the canal.
36:04
All right, Mr. President.
36:05
We go to Panama.
36:06
Ah, Bully, Bully, follow me.
36:10
It's down south, you know.
36:12
Well, bon voyage.
36:15
My dear aunts, you spoke of our hotel.
36:18
We have no hotel.
36:19
We came directly here.
36:21
Well, there's a very nice little hotel just three blocks down there.
36:24
Aunt Martha, this is my home.
36:26
But Jonathan, you can't stay here.
36:28
We need our rooms for our lodgers.
36:30
Are there lodgers in this house?
36:31
Well, not just yet, but we plan on having some.
36:33
some? Then my old room is still free. But Jonathan, there's no place for Dr. Einstein.
36:38
He'll stay with me. No, Jonathan, I'm afraid you can't stay here. Dr. Einstein and
36:43
I need
36:43
a place to sleep. It wouldn't be very pleasant for any of us if... Perhaps we better let
36:48
them stay here tonight. Well, just overnight, Jonathan. Now, if we'll get our rooms
36:54
ready.
36:54
It only needs airing out. We keep it ready for our lodgers. I think you and Dr. Einstein
36:58
will find it comfortable. Dr. Einstein, I'm afraid you don't...
37:01
appreciate his skill, but you will. In a few weeks, you'll see me looking like a very
37:07
different
37:07
Jonathan. He can't operate on you here. Oh, I forgot to tell you. We're turning Grandfather's
37:13
laboratory into an operating room. We expect to be quite busy. Jonathan, we
37:18
will not let you turn
37:19
this house into a hospital. A hospital? Heavens no. Why, it'll be a
37:24
beauty parlor. Johnny,
37:26
don't in the cellar. Doctor, my dear aunts have invited us.
37:30
to stay with them. Oh you fixed it. Well you're staying here tonight. Now if we'll get our rooms
37:34
ready immediately. Well. For tonight. Johnny down in the cellar. The cellar.
37:40
The Panama Canal. The Panama
37:41
Canal. It just fits Mrs. Spinalzo. It's a whole teddy duck. Six feet long, four
37:46
feet wide. Down there?
37:49
Do you think they knew we'll bring Mrs. Spinalzo along? That's hospitality. I'm rather
37:54
good joke
37:54
on my aunt having a potty buried in the cellar. How do we get him?
37:58
in. Well, we can't just walk him through the door.
38:00
We'll take the car and park it
38:02
between the cemetery and the house.
38:04
And once I've gone to bed, we'll bring him through the window.
38:06
Ben, just think. We got our
38:08
bed tonight. Doctor,
38:10
remember, you're operating
38:12
tomorrow. I fixed you up, beautiful.
38:13
And if you don't... Ben, your room's
38:16
ready. We're moving the car
38:17
behind the house, but you two go back to bed.
38:20
Well, it's alright where it is until morning.
38:22
I don't want to leave it in the street.
38:24
It might be against the law.
38:30
Oh, Abby, what are we going to do?
38:31
What are we going to do?
38:32
Well, we're not going to let them stay in this house more than one night for one thing.
38:35
What would the neighbors think?
38:37
People coming in here with one face and going out with another?
38:39
Abby, what are we going to do about Mr. Hoskins?
38:41
Oh, Mr. Hoskins, he's been so patient, the poor dear.
38:45
Well, I think Teddy had better get him downstairs right away.
38:48
Abby, I will not invite Jonathan to the funeral services.
38:51
We'll wait until he's gone to bed and then come down and hold the services.
38:54
The canal was just the right size
38:58
Teddy, Teddy, there's been another yellow fever victim
39:00
Dear me, this will be a shock to the general
39:03
Then we mustn't tell him about it
39:04
But it's his department
39:05
No, we mustn't tell him, Teddy
39:08
Sorry, it's out of my hands, army regulations, you know
39:10
No, Teddy, we must keep it a secret
39:12
A state secret?
39:14
Yes, a state secret
39:15
Promise?
39:16
Yeah, then what are the president of the United States?
39:19
Cross my heart and hope to die
39:21
So how are we going to keep it a secret?
39:23
Well, Teddy, you go back down in the cellar, and when I turn out the lights, when it's all dark, you
39:28
come up and take the poor man down to the canal.
39:30
Now go along, Teddy.
39:31
And we'll come down later and hold services.
39:33
You may not, the president will say a few words.
39:36
Where is the poor devil?
39:37
In the window seat.
39:38
Seems to be spreading. You've never had yellow fever in there before.
39:42
Martha, when Jonathan and Dr. Einstein come back, let's see if we can get them to go to bed right away.
39:47
Oh, yes, that by the time they're asleep, we'll be all...
39:50
Dressed and ready for the funeral services.
39:53
Have you ever seen Mr. Hoskins?
39:56
I haven't seen Mr. Hoskins.
39:57
You're right, Abby.
39:58
Oh, well, you come right along and see him now.
40:00
He's really very nice looking, considering that he's a Methodist.
40:05
We're bringing the luggage in through here.
40:07
Jonathan, your room's waiting for you.
40:09
You can go right up.
40:10
I'm afraid we don't keep Brooklyn hours, but you two run along to bed.
40:13
Well, you must be very tired, both of you, and we don't go to bed this early.
40:17
Well, you should.
40:18
It's time I came home to take care of you.
40:21
Well, we weren't planning to go until...
40:23
Aunt Martha, go to bed.
40:25
Do you hear me?
40:26
Doctor, the instruments can go up in the laboratory in the morning.
40:29
Now then, we're all going to bed.
40:33
I'll wait until you're up and then turn out the lights.
40:35
Another flight, Doctor.
40:37
Run along, Aunt Martha.
40:38
All right, Aunt Abby.
40:39
I'll be right up.
40:41
Aunt Abby, turn out the lights.
40:51
Thank you.
41:18
all right choni all right you go around
41:24
the house and hand him through no he's too heavy for me
41:27
you go you go outside and push i stay here and pull and together we get him
41:32
down to panama
41:33
all right i'll take a look around the house and then when i tap on the glass
41:38
you open the window
41:40
all right
41:41
you
41:56
Who left this open?
41:58
Dumb cop.
42:02
Tony.
42:06
Ellie, whoop.
42:07
Wait a minute.
42:08
You lost a leg somewhere.
42:10
Come on.
42:15
That was me, Chonny.
42:17
I slipped.
42:18
Be more careful.
42:20
Well, his shoe came off.
42:23
All right, Chonny.
42:24
I got him.
42:27
Chonny, someone's at the door.
42:29
No, I ran this year.
42:35
Miss Abby? Miss Martha? Miss Abby?
42:39
Miss Martha, who is that? Is that you Teddy? Who are you? Who are you? I'm
42:45
in
42:45
Lane Harper. I live next door. I've come to see Miss Abby and Miss Martha. Dr.
42:49
Turn on the lights. You've chosen a rather untimely moment for a social call. I
42:54
think you'd better explain what you're doing here. We happen to live here. You
42:58
don't live here. I come in this house every day and I've never seen you here.
43:01
Where are Miss Abby and Miss Martha? What have you done to them? Perhaps we
43:04
better introduce ourselves. This is Dr. Einstein.
43:07
Dr. Einstein?
43:08
Rather, a critic of great distinction and somewhat of a magician.
43:12
And I suppose you're going to tell me you're Boris Karloff.
43:16
I'm Jonathan Brewster.
43:18
I see you've heard of me.
43:19
And what exactly did you hear?
43:21
Just that there was another brother named Jonathan.
43:24
That's all that was said.
43:25
Well, that explains everything.
43:26
I'll be running along home now.
43:28
If you would kindly unlock the door.
43:30
That explains everything?
43:32
Just what do you mean by that?
43:34
Why'd you come here?
43:35
here at this time of night. I thought I saw someone prowling around the house. I suppose
43:39
it was you. You saw someone prowling around the house. Yes. Isn't that your car? You saw
43:43
someone at the car. Yes. What else did you see? Just someone going around the house to
43:48
the car. What else did you see? Just that. That's all. That's why I came over here to
43:53
warn Miss Abby to call the police. But if it was you and that's your car, I don't need
43:57
to warn Miss Abby. I'll be running along. What was the man doing at the car? Just going
44:02
around the house to the car.
44:03
car. I think you're lying. I think she tells the truth, Johnny. We let her go now,
44:08
huh?
44:09
No, I think she's lying. I think she's dangerous. She shouldn't be let loose. Doctor! Take
44:14
your
44:14
hands off me. Teddy, Teddy, tell these men who I am. That's
44:19
my daughter Alice. Charge! Teddy,
44:24
Teddy! Doctor, your handkerchief. The cellar. What's
44:30
going on down there?
44:31
What's happening?
44:33
We've got a burglar. A sneak thief. Go right back to bed.
44:37
We'll call the police.
44:38
We've called the police. We'll handle it. Go back to bed. Do you hear me?
44:45
Mortimer, where have you been?
44:47
To the Nora Bay's theater, and I should have known better.
44:50
My gosh, I'm still there.
44:52
It's your brother, Jonathan, and this is Dr. Einstein.
44:55
I know this isn't a nightmare, but what is it? I've come back home, Mortimer.
45:00
Who did you say this was?
45:01
It's your brother, Jonathan, dear.
45:03
He had his face changed.
45:04
Dr. Einstein performed the operation.
45:07
Jonathan, your role is a horror.
45:09
But do you have to look like one?
45:10
Easy, Tony.
45:12
Mortimer, remember the things I used to do to you when we were boys?
45:15
The needles under your fingernails?
45:18
By gosh, it is, Jonathan.
45:20
Yes, I remember you.
45:21
I remember you as the most vicious, venomous, detestable form of animal life I ever knew.
45:26
Now don't you boys start quarreling again.
45:28
minute you've seen each other there won't be any fighting aunt abby jonathan you're not wanted in
45:32
this house get out we did invite them to stay tonight and it wouldn't be very nice to go back
45:37
on our word all right fine tonight first thing in the morning out where
45:42
are they sleeping we
45:43
put them in jonathan's old room well that's my old room i'm sleeping there i'm here to stay oh
45:48
warmer i'm so glad johnny we sleep down here you bet your life you sleep down here you
45:53
sleep on the
45:53
sofa i sleep on the windows
45:56
seat the window seat oh well uh let's not argue about it the window seats good enough
46:01
for me
46:01
tonight i'll sleep on the window seat choney you know all this argument reminds me about mr
46:06
spinalzo spinalzo now mortimer it really isn't necessary to inconvenience you like
46:11
this we'll
46:12
stay down here jonathan your sudden consideration for me is very unconvincing come on johnny
46:17
come on choney let's go up yes don't bother doctor you
46:23
know
46:24
Doctor, all this talk, I've completely lost track of Mr. Spinalzo.
46:28
Who is this Mr. Spinalzo?
46:30
Just a friend of ours Chony's been looking for.
46:32
Well, don't bring anyone else in here.
46:34
Come on, Chony. While we pack, I tell you all about it.
46:37
Oh, Mortimer, you don't have to stay down here.
46:39
I can go in with Martha and you can take my room.
46:42
Don't bother, Aunt Abby. We'll be packed in a minute.
46:45
Then you can have the room.
46:46
You're just wasting your time. I told you I'm sleeping down here.
46:50
What's the matter with you, darling?
46:51
I've almost been killed!
46:52
It's almost... Abby! Martha!
46:54
No, it was Jonathan!
46:55
He mistook her for a snake thief!
46:57
No, it's more than that. He's some kind of maniac.
46:59
Mortimer, I'm afraid of him.
47:00
My darling, you're trembling.
47:01
Do you have any smelling salts?
47:03
No, but maybe some hot tea or coffee?
47:05
Oh, coffee. Make some for me, too.
47:06
And some sandwiches. I haven't had any dinner.
47:08
Oh, Martha, we can leave our hats downstairs now.
47:10
You weren't going out somewhere, were you?
47:12
Do you know what time it is? It's after 12.
47:13
12. 12! Elaine, you've got to go home right away!
47:17
Why do you want some sandwiches? It won't take a minute.
47:20
Why don't you remember? We wanted to celebrate your engagement.
47:23
We wanted to make you a very nice supper, and that's what we'll do.
47:26
And I'll open a bottle of wine.
47:28
Oh, no! No wine!
47:30
Mortimer, what's going on in this house?
47:32
What do you mean, what's going on in this house?
47:34
Well, you were supposed to take me to the dinner and the theater.
47:37
You called it off.
47:38
You proposed to me. Five minutes later, you threw me out of the house.
47:41
Now tonight, just after your brother tries to strangle me,
47:44
well, you tried to chase me home.
47:46
Now, listen, Mr. Booster, before I go home...
47:48
Mom, I want to know where I stand. Do you love me?
47:51
I love you very much, Elaine. In fact, I love you so much I can't marry you.
47:54
Have you suddenly gone crazy?
47:56
I don't think so, but it's only a matter of time.
47:58
You see, insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
48:02
Oh, you've got to do better than that.
48:04
No, there's a strange taint to the Brewster blood.
48:07
Oh, well, just because Teddy is a little...
48:10
No, it goes back to the first Brewster, the one who came over on the Mayflower.
48:13
It was the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Lucucu.
48:17
Mortimer, that's ancient history.
48:19
No, it's the whole family.
48:20
Take my grandfather.
48:21
He tried his patent medicines out on dead people to be sure he wouldn't kill them.
48:25
Well, he wasn't so crazy.
48:27
He made a million dollars.
48:28
And then there's Jonathan.
48:29
You just said he was a maniac.
48:30
He tried to kill you.
48:31
Yes, but he's your brother, not you.
48:33
I'm in love with you.
48:34
And there's Teddy, too.
48:35
You know Teddy.
48:36
He thinks he's Roosevelt.
48:37
No, dear, no Brewster should marry.
48:39
I realize now that if I'd known my father in time, I'd have stopped him.
48:42
Oh, this doesn't prove you're crazy.
48:44
Your answer, Brewster.
48:44
aren't they? And the sanest, sweetest people I've ever known. Well, even they have their
48:49
peculiarities. Yes, but what lovely peculiarities? Kindness, generosity, human sympathy. There's
48:55
another one. Oh, Mortimer. There are plenty of others. You can't tell me anything about
49:00
your aunt. I'm not going to. Listen, Elaine, you've got to go home. Something very important's
49:04
just come up. Up from where? We're here alone together. I know I'm acting irrationally,
49:08
but just put it down to the fact that I'm a mad Brewster. If you think you're going to
49:12
get out of the spice.
49:13
Pretending you're insane? You're crazy.
49:15
Maybe you're not going to marry me, but I'm going to marry you.
49:17
I love you, you dope.
49:18
Well, if you love me, will you get the heck out of here?
49:20
Well, at least take me home, won't you? I'm afraid.
49:22
Afraid? A little walk through the cemetery.
49:25
Good night, Elaine.
49:28
Aunt Abby and Martha, come in here.
49:30
Come in here.
49:31
Come in here right away.
49:33
Yes, dear, what is it? Where's Elaine?
49:35
Who is that in the window seat?
49:37
We told you, Mr. Hoskins.
49:38
It is not Mr. Hoskins.
49:41
can that be? Are you trying to tell me
49:43
you've never seen this man before? I certainly
49:45
am. Why, is this a fine how do you
49:47
do? It's getting so that anybody thinks he
49:49
can walk into this house. Now, Aunt Tabby, don't try to get
49:51
out of this. That's another one of your gentlemen.
49:53
Mortimer, how can you say such a thing?
49:54
That man's an imposter, and it's getting
49:56
to be buried in our cellar. He's mistaken.
49:59
Oh, Aunt Tabby, you admitted that you put Mr. Hoskins in the
50:01
window seat. Yes, I did. Well, this man
50:03
couldn't have just gotten the idea for Mr. Hoskins.
50:05
By the way, where is Mr. Hoskins?
50:07
He must have gone to Panama.
50:09
No, not yet. We haven't had a minute, what, with Jonathan in the house.
50:13
Oh, dear. We've always wanted to hold a double funeral, but I will not read services over a complete stranger.
50:19
A stranger? Aunt Abby, how can I believe you?
50:21
There are twelve men down in the cellar, and you admit you poisoned them.
50:24
Yes, I did. But you don't think I stooped at telling a fib? Martha!
50:29
Mortimer, I'd like to have a word with you.
50:31
A word's about all you'll have time for, Jonathan, because you and your doctor friend are getting out of this house just as quickly as possible.
50:36
You arrived at the...
50:37
wrong solution take your suitcases and get out jonathan you're beginning to bore me move on
50:42
mortimer just because you graduated from the back fence of the typewriter don't think you've grown
50:47
up i'm saying you're leaving and i mean now if you think i can be frightened if you think there's
50:52
anything that i see mortimer i've lived a strange life but if it's taught
50:57
me anything it's to be
50:58
afraid of nothing martha just look what's in that window
51:03
seat oh no
51:05
Aunt Abby!
51:12
Jonathan, let Aunt Martha see what's in the window seat.
51:16
Aunt Abby, I owe you an apology.
51:18
I have very good news for you.
51:20
Jonathan is leaving.
51:21
He's taking Dr. Einstein
51:22
and their cold companion with him.
51:26
Jonathan, you're my brother.
51:27
You're a Brewster.
51:28
I'm going to give you a chance to get out
51:29
and take the evidence with you.
51:30
You can't ask for more than that.
51:33
Well, then, in that case, I'll have to call the police.
51:36
Don't reach for that telephone.
51:38
I can't believe you're giving me orders after seeing what's happened to Mr. Spinalzo.
51:44
Remember, what happened to Mr. Spinalzo can happen to you.
51:52
Oh, so, Hara, is there something we can do for you?
51:55
I saw your lights on. I thought there might be sickness in the house.
51:58
Oh, you got company. Sorry I disturbed you.
52:00
No, no, come in, come in.
52:01
Yes, come in.
52:02
Coming off so hard, this is our nephew Mortimer.
52:05
Pleased to meet you.
52:06
And this is another nephew, Jonathan.
52:08
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
52:10
It must be nice having your nephews visiting you.
52:12
Are they going to stay with you for a bit?
52:14
I'm staying. My brother Jonathan is leaving.
52:16
I've met you here before, haven't I?
52:18
I'm afraid not. Jonathan hasn't been home for years.
52:21
Your face looks familiar to me. Maybe I've seen a picture of you somewhere.
52:24
I don't think so.
52:26
Yes, Jonathan, I'd hurry if I were you.
52:28
Your things are all packed anyway, aren't they?
52:30
You'll be wanting to say goodbyes.
52:32
I'll be running along.
52:33
Oh, what's the rush?
52:33
I'd like to have you stick around until my brother goes.
52:35
I just dropped in to make sure everything was all right.
52:37
We're going to have a cup of coffee in a minute.
52:39
Won't you join us?
52:40
Oh, I forgot the coffee.
52:42
Oh, I'll make some more sandwiches.
52:43
I ought to know your appetite by this time, Officer O'Hara.
52:46
Don't bother.
52:46
I'm due to ring in a few minutes.
52:48
You can have a cup of coffee with us.
52:50
Say, ain't I seen a photograph of your brother around here someplace?
52:53
I don't think so.
52:54
He certainly reminds me of somebody.
52:56
He looks like someone you've probably...
52:57
seen in the movies? I never go to the movies.
53:00
I hate them. My mother hates them, too.
53:02
Your mother, eh? Yeah.
53:04
My mother was an actress, a stage actress.
53:06
I was, perhaps you've heard
53:08
of her, Peaches Latour.
53:10
I was, her big hit was Mutton Jeff.
53:12
Played it for three years. I was born
53:14
on tour the third season. You were? Yep.
53:16
Sioux City, Iowa. I was born
53:18
in the dressing room at the end of the second act,
53:19
and mother made the finale. Wow, what a trooper.
53:22
There must be a good story in your mother.
53:24
Oh, you know I write for the theater. You do?
53:26
Say you're not Mortimer Brewster, the dramatic critic.
53:28
Well, I certainly am glad to meet you.
53:30
Say, Mr. Brewster, we're in the same line of business.
53:33
Yeah, I'm a playwright.
53:35
Oh, this, being on the police force is just temporary.
53:38
How long have you been on the force?
53:39
Twelve years.
53:40
I'm collecting material for a play.
53:42
With all the drama I see being a cop, Mr. Brewster, you got no idea what goes on in Brooklyn.
53:46
I think I have.
53:47
Say, what time you got?
53:48
Ten after one.
53:49
Gee, I gotta ring in.
53:50
Oh, wait a minute, O'Hara.
53:51
On that play of yours, I may be able to help you with it.
53:54
You would say it was fainting my walking in here tonight.
53:57
Look, I'll tell you the plot.
53:58
Um, is...
53:59
Oh, you're leaving now?
54:01
Good, you haven't much time, you know.
54:04
Well, O'Hara, it was nice meeting you.
54:06
I'll see you again, and we'll talk about your play.
54:07
I'm not leaving now, Mr. Brewster.
54:09
You just offered help me with my play, didn't you?
54:11
You and me are going to write my play together.
54:13
I can't do that, O'Hara.
54:14
I'm not a creative writer.
54:16
I'll do the creating.
54:16
You just put the words to it.
54:18
But, O'Hara...
54:18
No, sir, Mr. Brewster.
54:20
I ain't leaving this house till I tell you the plot.
54:23
Well, in that case, we'll be running along.
54:25
Oh, don't try that, Jonathan.
54:26
You've got to take everything with you, you know.
54:29
Oh, listen, O'Hara, you run along now, eh?
54:31
My brother's just going, and you can go now, right?
54:35
I can wait.
54:36
I've been waiting 12 years.
54:39
Aunt Martha was coming in with those sandwiches, wasn't she?
54:43
Oh, no, don't bring that in here.
54:45
O'Hara, will you join us for a bite in the kitchen?
54:48
Jonathan's leaving.
54:49
Oh, that's nice.
54:50
Come along, officer.
54:51
Are you sure you don't mind any in the kitchen, Mr. O'Hara?
54:53
And where else would you eat?
54:55
It's nice to see you again, Jonathan.
54:56
I'm glad you came back to Brooklyn, Jonathan, because it gives me a chance to throw you
55:00
And the first one out is your boyfriend, Mr. Spinalzo.
55:03
Look, Mr. Brewster, we can talk in here.
55:05
I'll be right there.
55:07
I might have known you grew up to write a play with a policeman.
55:10
Get going now, all three of you.
55:12
Doctor, this affair between me and my brother has got to be settled.
55:16
Johnny, your aunt gets us...
55:18
Your brother gives us a chance to get away. What more could you ask?
55:21
You don't understand. This goes back a good many years.
55:25
Now, Johnny, let's get going.
55:27
We're not going. We're staying right here.
55:30
With a cup in the kitchen, and Mr. Spinazzo in the window seat.
55:33
Mr. Spinazzo's all he's got on us. We'll take his body, dump it in the bay, and come right
55:38
back here.
55:39
And if he tries to interfere...
55:42
Doctor, you know when I make up my mind.
55:44
Yeah, when you make up your mind, you...
55:46
You lose your head, working in a good place for you.
55:49
Okay, Chony, we got to stick together.
55:52
Someday we get stuck together.
55:53
And if we are coming back here,
55:55
do we got to take these with us?
55:56
No, leave them here.
55:58
Hide them in the cellar.
55:59
Move fast.
56:02
Mr. Spinazzo can go out the same way he came in.
56:13
Hey, Chony!
56:14
Down in the cellar.
56:16
What's the matter?
56:17
You know that hole in the cellar?
56:21
We got an ace in the hole.
56:23
Come, I show you.
56:36
Yes, Mortimer?
56:37
Where have you been?
56:38
I thought I told you to get out.
56:40
We're not going.
56:41
You're not going, eh?
56:42
I'm not serious about this? Do you want O'Hara to see what's in that window seat?
56:45
We're staying here.
56:47
All right. You asked for it. This gets me rid of you and Officer O'Hara at the same time.
56:51
Officer O'Hara, come in here.
56:53
If you tell Officer O'Hara what's in the window seat, I'll tell him what's down in the cellar.
56:58
The cellar?
56:59
There's an elderly gentleman out there who seems to be very dead.
57:03
What were you two doing down in the cellar?
57:05
What's he doing down in the cellar?
57:07
No thanks, ma'am. They were fine. I've had plenty.
57:09
Now then, what were you going to tell O'Hara?
57:11
Officer O'Hara. Look, Mr. Brewster, you're also one here or two. Shall I get them in here?
57:15
No, you can't do that. You've got to ring in. The heck with ringing in. I'll get your
57:18
aunt in here and tell you the plot. No, there's too many people. We'll get together alone
57:21
someplace later. How about the back room and Kelly's? Perfect. You go ring in and I'll
57:25
meet you at Kelly's. Why don't you two go down to the cellar? That's all right with
57:29
me. Is this the cellar? No, we'll go to Kelly's. But you're going to ring in on the way.
57:33
All right. That'll only take a couple of minutes.
57:39
I'll ditch this guy and be back in five minutes.
57:41
I expect to find you gone.
57:42
Wait for me.
57:43
We'll wait for him, Doctor.
57:44
I've waited a great many years for a chance like this.
57:47
We've got him where we wanted him.
57:48
Did he look guilty?
57:50
Take the bags up to the room, Doctor.
57:54
Oh, we thought we heard somebody leave.
57:56
Just Mortimer and he'll be back in a minute.
57:59
Is there any food left in the kitchen?
58:00
I think Dr. Einstein and I would enjoy a bite.
58:03
Be one of any time.
58:04
No, it scares me when Mortimer is back.
58:06
He won't like it.
58:07
He'll like it. He's got to like it.
58:09
Get us some food for while we bury Mr. Spinazzo.
58:12
Oh, no!
58:13
He can't stay in our cellar.
58:14
No, Jonathan, you've got to take him with you.
58:16
There's a friend of Mortimer's downstairs waiting for him.
58:19
A friend of Mortimer's?
58:21
He and Mr. Spinazzo will get along fine.
58:23
They're both dead.
58:24
Oh, he must meet Mr. Hoskins.
58:26
Mr. Hoskins?
58:27
You know what's downstairs?
58:28
Of course we do.
58:29
And he's no friend of Mortimer's.
58:31
He's one of our gentlemen.
58:33
Your gentlemen?
58:34
We won't have any...
58:35
strangers buried in our cellar. Besides, there's no room for Mr. Spinalzo. The cellar's crowded
58:40
already. Crowded? With what? There are 12 graves down there. 12 graves?
58:45
That leaves very little
58:46
room and we're going to need it. That means you and Aunt Martha have murdered. Murdered?
58:52
Certainly
58:52
not. It's one of our charities. But what we've been doing is a mercy. So you just take your
58:57
Mr. Spinalzo out of here. That means you and Aunt Martha have done that in this
59:02
house and you
59:03
buried them down there? Tony, we have been chased all over the world. They stay right here. Do
59:08
just
59:08
as good as you do. What? You've got 12. They've got 12. I've got 13. No,
59:14
Tony, 12. 13. There's Mr.
59:17
Spinoza, the first one in London, two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in
59:22
Melbourne, two in San
59:23
Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix? The Philly station, then three
59:28
in Chicago, and one in
59:30
South Bend, that makes...
59:31
13. No, Choney, you can't count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia. He wouldn't have
59:36
got pneumonia if I hadn't shot him. No, Choney, he died of pneumonia. He don't count.
59:41
Well, he counts
59:42
with me. I say 13. No, Choney, you've got 12. They've got 12. These old
59:47
ladies do just as good
59:48
as you do. Oh, well, in that case, that's a problem easily fixed. All I
59:53
need is one more.
59:54
Just one more. Well, here I am.
59:59
Thank you.
1:08:54
We'll be right back.
1:09:27
Thank you.
1:12:17
and we are starting act three soon please return to your seats thank you
1:12:38
Thank you.
1:15:21
3, 2, 1
1:15:22
All right
1:15:27
All right, I'll see whose house this is.
1:15:29
I'm warning you, you'd better stop it.
1:15:31
Hasn't Mortimer come back yet?
1:15:35
It's a terrible thing to do, to bury a message with a complete stranger.
1:15:39
I will not have her cellar desecrated.
1:15:41
And we promised Miss Trotskins a full Christian funeral.
1:15:43
Where do you suppose Mortimer went?
1:15:45
I don't know, but he must be doing something, because he told Jonathan,
1:15:47
you just wait, I'll settle this.
1:15:49
Well, he can't very well settle it while he's out of the house.
1:15:51
That's all we want settled.
1:15:52
What's going on down there?
1:15:56
Mortimer, where have you been?
1:15:57
I've been over to Dr. Gilchrist.
1:15:58
I've got his signatures on Teddy's commitment papers.
1:16:00
Is Teddy in his room?
1:16:01
Once I get his signatures on here, I can tackle Jonathan.
1:16:04
What have they got to do with it?
1:16:05
If I can make Teddy responsible for those 12 graves, I can protect you.
1:16:09
No, I don't see.
1:16:10
We've been taxed to have the police protect us.
1:16:14
You'll have to get Jonathan out of this house.
1:16:16
And Mr. Spinalzo, too.
1:16:17
Will you please let me do this my own way?
1:16:18
I've got to see Teddy.
1:16:20
All right, Mortimer.
1:16:20
But if they're not out of here by morning, we're going to call the police.
1:16:23
Promise you that. Go to bed, will you?
1:16:25
And for goodness sake, get out of those clothes. You look like Judith Anderson.
1:16:29
Oh, that's a relief, isn't it, Abby?
1:16:30
Yes. If Jonathan's really going to do something at last,
1:16:33
it just means Jonathan's going to do a lot of unnecessary trouble.
1:16:35
We'd better tell him.
1:16:36
Oh, Jonathan, you might as well stop what you're doing.
1:16:39
It's all done. Did I hear Mortimer?
1:16:41
Well, we'll just have to be undone.
1:16:42
You're all going to get out of this house by morning. Mortimer's promised.
1:16:45
Oh, are we?
1:16:46
Well, in that case, you and Aunt Martha can go up to bed and have a pleasant night's sleep.
1:16:52
Yes, come, Abby.
1:16:54
Good night, aunties.
1:16:55
Not good night, Jonathan.
1:16:57
By the time we're up, you'll be out of this house.
1:16:59
Mortimer's promised.
1:17:00
Yes, and he has a way of doing it, too.
1:17:02
Then Mortimer is back.
1:17:03
Oh, yes, he's up here talking to Teddy.
1:17:05
Goodbye, Jonathan.
1:17:07
Perhaps you better say goodbye to Mortimer.
1:17:09
Oh, you'll see, Mortimer.
1:17:10
Oh, I'll see, Mortimer.
1:17:13
It's all fixed up.
1:17:14
Smooth like a lake.
1:17:15
No one ever knew what they're doing down there.
1:17:18
That bit feels good already.
1:17:20
hours, didn't sleep. Come on, Choni, let's go up. Yes? You're forgetting, doctor.
1:17:25
What? My brother,
1:17:27
Mortimer. Please, Choni, we do that tomorrow or the next day. No, tonight,
1:17:32
now! Please, Choni,
1:17:34
I'm tired and tomorrow I got to operate. Yeah, you're operating tomorrow, but tonight we
1:17:39
take
1:17:40
care of Mortimer. Please, Choni, we go to bed, eh? Doctor, you
1:17:46
can see it's got to be done, can't you?
1:17:48
Ah, Chony, I can see. I know that look.
1:17:51
It's a little too late to dissolve our partnership.
1:17:54
Okay, Chony, we do it, but a quick way, a quick twist like in London.
1:17:57
No, this calls for something special.
1:18:00
This calls for the Melbourne method.
1:18:02
Chony, no, not Melbourne.
1:18:04
Two hours and a fellow in London was just as dead as the fellow in Melbourne.
1:18:08
In London, we had to work fast.
1:18:10
There was no aesthetic satisfaction, but Melbourne, oh, that was something to remember.
1:18:16
Remember, ah, I wish I didn't. No, Tony. Not Melbourne. Not me.
1:18:21
Yes, Doctor. Where are the instruments?
1:18:23
I won't do it, Tony. I won't do it.
1:18:25
Doctor, get your instruments.
1:18:27
No, Tony.
1:18:28
Where are they? You hid them in the cell or where?
1:18:31
I won't tell you.
1:18:32
I'll find them, Doctor.
1:18:35
Oh, don't do that, Mr. President.
1:18:37
I cannot sign any proclamation without consulting my cabinet.
1:18:40
But this must be a secret.
1:18:41
A secret proclamation? How unusual.
1:18:44
Japan mustn't know until it's signed.
1:18:46
Ah, Japan!
1:18:47
Those devils!
1:18:47
I'll sign it right away.
1:18:48
You have my word for it.
1:18:49
I can let the cabinet know later.
1:18:50
Yes, let's go and sign it.
1:18:51
You wait here.
1:18:52
A secret proclamation must be signed in secret.
1:18:54
But at once, Mr. President...
1:18:55
I'll have to put on my signing clothes.
1:18:57
You go now, eh?
1:18:59
No, Doctor.
1:18:59
I'm waiting for something.
1:19:00
Something important.
1:19:02
Please, you go now.
1:19:03
Dr. Einstein, I have nothing against you personally.
1:19:05
You seem to be a nice fellow.
1:19:06
Take my advice and get out of this house and get just as far away as possible.
1:19:10
Trouble, yeah.
1:19:10
You get out.
1:19:11
All right, don't...
1:19:12
Say I didn't warn you.
1:19:13
I'm warning you.
1:19:14
Get away, quick.
1:19:15
Things are going to start popping around here any minute.
1:19:18
Listen, Johnny's in a bad mood.
1:19:19
And when he's like this, he's a madman.
1:19:22
Terrible things happen.
1:19:23
Terrible things.
1:19:24
Jonathan doesn't worry me now.
1:19:26
I'm a...
1:19:26
Don't those plays eat you anything?
1:19:28
About what?
1:19:28
Well, at least the people in the plays have got sense.
1:19:31
That's more than you do.
1:19:32
Oh, you think so, eh?
1:19:33
You think people in plays act intelligently?
1:19:36
Oh, I wish you had to sit through some of the ones I had to sit through.
1:19:39
Take the little opus I saw to...
1:19:40
night, for instance. In this play, there's a man. He's supposed to be bright. He knows he's in a
1:19:44
house with murderers. He ought to know he's a nager. He's even been warned to get out of the
1:19:48
house. But does he go? No, he stays there. Now I ask you, doctor, is that what an intelligent
1:19:53
person would do? You asking me? He doesn't even have enough sense to be frightened to be on his
1:19:57
guard. For instance, the murderer invites him to sit down. You mean won't you sit down? Believe it
1:20:02
or not, that one was in there too. And what happened? He sat down. Now mind you, this
1:20:07
fellow
1:20:07
is supposed to be bright.
1:20:08
so there he sits just waiting to be trussed up and what do you think they used to tie him with
1:20:12
that the curtain cord well why not a good idea very convenient a little
1:20:17
too convenient what are
1:20:19
playwrights going to use some imagination the curtain cord he didn't even get it see him he
1:20:23
sat there with his back to him that's the kind of stuff we have to suffer through night after night
1:20:27
and they say the critics are killing the theater it's the playwrights who are killing the theater
1:20:31
so there he sits the big dope this fellow who's supposed to be bright just waiting to be trussed
1:20:36
up and gagged
1:20:39
well you're right about that fellow he wasn't very bright now mortimer if you don't
1:20:45
mind i'll
1:20:45
finish my story i've been gone 20 years and never once in all that time have
1:20:50
you my dear brother
1:20:52
left my mind now doctor we get to work
1:20:59
uh the quick way age 20 no doctor this really must be an artistic
1:21:05
After all, we're performing for a very distinguished critic.
1:21:12
All right, let's get it over with.
1:21:14
Pull yourself together, Doctor.
1:21:16
I gotta have a drink.
1:21:17
I can't do this without a drink.
1:21:19
When we're here, there were drinks here, remember?
1:21:21
Where did she put that?
1:21:25
Look, Tony, we get drink.
1:21:27
We both get drink.
1:21:29
I spit it with you.
1:21:32
We both get drink.
1:21:37
drink oh doctor where are your manners more than i realize now it
1:21:42
was you who brought me back to
1:21:43
so doctor to my dear dead brother oh
1:21:50
god darn that idiot he goes next that's all he goes next
1:21:54
no johnny not teddy that's why i stopped it's not teddy we get to teddy later no
1:21:59
we don't get to
1:22:00
me go do it
1:22:01
get to him at all now we gotta work fast ah the quick way yeah yes doctor the
1:22:06
quick way hey the
1:22:08
colonel's gotta quit blowing that horn sorry officer we're taking it away from him there's
1:22:13
gonna be heck to pay in the morning we promised the neighbors he wouldn't do that anymore we've
1:22:17
handled it officer good night i better speak to myself hey you
1:22:22
stood me up i waited an hour at
1:22:24
kelly's for you hey what happened to him he was showing us what happened in the place
1:22:29
that's what happened to the fellow in the play did they have that in the play you saw tonight
1:22:34
gee they practically stole that from the second act of my play you see in my second act
1:22:39
nah i better begin at the beginning all right it opens in my mother's dressing room where i was
1:22:44
born only i ain't born yet huh oh yeah nah
1:22:49
you got to hear the plot all right there she sits
1:22:54
making up when all of a sudden into the door comes a man in the
1:22:58
He turns to my mother and says,
1:23:00
Miss Latour, will you marry me?
1:23:02
He doesn't know she's pregnant.
1:23:20
There she is, lying unconscious across the table in her lingerie.
1:23:24
The man in the-
1:23:25
black hat standing over her with the hatchet. I'm tied up in a chair just like you are.
1:23:29
The place is an inferno of flames. It's on fire when all of a sudden
1:23:33
in through the window comes Meryl LaGuardia.
1:23:37
Hey, remember who paid for that? Go easy on it. Well, I'm listening,
1:23:42
ain't I? How do you like it so far? Well, I put Tony to sleep.
1:23:46
Let him alone. If he ain't got no more interest than that, he don't get a drink.
1:23:50
Alright, it's three days later. I'm transferred and I'm under
1:23:53
charges. That's because somebody stole my badge. Alright, it's three days later, I'm
1:23:59
walking my beat on Staten Island, 46th Precinct, when a guy I'm following, it turns out, is
1:24:04
really following me. Don't let anybody in, so I'll figure all out smart him. There's
1:24:09
a vacant house on the corner. It's cops. I stand there in the dark, I see
1:24:14
the door handle
1:24:15
turn. Johnny, it's cops. Cops. I pulls my guns, braces myself against the
1:24:20
wall, and I
1:24:21
says, come.
1:24:21
in. Hello, boys. What the heck's going on here? Hey,
1:24:27
Pat, what do you know? This is
1:24:29
Mortimer Brewster. He's going to write my play with me. Did you have to tie him up to
1:24:33
make him listen? Joe, you better point out the station. The whole force
1:24:38
is out looking
1:24:38
for you. Do they send you here for me? We didn't know you was here. We came to warn the
1:24:42
old ladies that there's a heck to pay. The colonel blew that bugle again in the middle
1:24:46
of the night. From the way the neighbors have been calling in about it, you'd think the
1:24:50
had dropped a bomb on Flatbush Avenue.
1:24:52
That first two acts run a little long, Mr. Brewster,
1:24:55
but I don't see anything we can leave out.
1:24:57
You can leave it all out.
1:24:59
Who's this guy?
1:25:00
That's my brother.
1:25:01
Oh, the one who ran away.
1:25:02
So he came back.
1:25:03
Yes, he came back.
1:25:05
This is Brophy.
1:25:06
Get me Mac.
1:25:07
I'd better let them know he found you, Joe.
1:25:09
Mac, tell Lieutenant King Cole for the big man hunt.
1:25:12
We got him.
1:25:13
In the Brewster house.
1:25:14
Do you want us to bring him in?
1:25:16
Oh, all right.
1:25:17
We'll hold him right here.
1:25:18
the lieutenant's on the way over so I've been turned in a all
1:25:23
right you've got me
1:25:24
I suppose you and my stupid your brother will split the reward reward now I've
1:25:29
got some turning in to do you think my answer says sweet little ladies don't
1:25:33
you well there are 13 bodies buried in the cellar oh daddy daddy daddy what the
1:25:38
heck are you talking about you'd better be careful what you're saying about your
1:25:42
aunts they have to be friends of ours I'll show it to you I'll prove it to you
1:25:46
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
1:25:50
Thirteen bodies, I will show you where they're buried.
1:25:53
Oh, yeah?
1:25:54
You don't want to come to the cellar with me?
1:25:56
Go on down the cellar with him, Abe.
1:25:58
I'm not so sure I want to be down in the cellar with him.
1:26:01
Look at that face. He looks like Boris Karloff.
1:26:03
Hey, what the? Pat, no!
1:26:05
What do you think you're doing?
1:26:08
What do you know about that?
1:26:11
Come in!
1:26:13
What the heck are you meant to do?
1:26:14
I thought I told you I was gonna handle this.
1:26:16
Well, sir, we were just about to...
1:26:18
What happened? Did he put up a fight?
1:26:20
This ain't the guy that blows the bugle. This is his brother. He tried to kill Klein.
1:26:24
All I said was that he looked like Boris Karloff.
1:26:26
Turn him over.
1:26:28
We kind of think he's wanted somewhere.
1:26:30
Oh. Oh, you kind of think he's wanted somewhere?
1:26:33
If you men don't bother to read the circulars we put up in the office, the least you could do is read True Detective.
1:26:38
Certainly he's wanted somewhere. In Indiana, he's escaped from the prison for the criminal...
1:26:42
insane for gosh sake that's how he was described he looked like carloff was there
1:26:47
a reward mentioned
1:26:48
yeah and i'm claiming it he was trying to get us down the cellar he said there's 13 bodies
1:26:54
buried
1:26:54
down there 13 bodies and that didn't tip you off that he's from the nut house i thought
1:26:59
along he
1:26:59
talked kind of crazy oh look it's shakespeare where you been all night you needn't
1:27:05
bother
1:27:05
telling me i've been right here sir writing my play with mortimer brewster a play well
1:27:10
you're
1:27:10
plenty of time to write that play you're suspended now get back in reporting can
1:27:16
I come buy some time and use a station typewriter no get out of here now you
1:27:19
too bring that guy somewhere else and bring him to see what else you find
1:27:22
about his accomplice he's wanted to you know the guy that helped him escape no
1:27:26
wonder Brooklyn's in the shape of the police force a bunch of flatheads like
1:27:29
you believing some kind of story like 13 bodies in the cellar but there are 13
1:27:33
bodies in the cellar who are you I'm president Roosevelt what is this
1:27:38
He's the fellow that blows the bugle.
1:27:41
Dear me, another yellow fever victim.
1:27:45
All the bodies in this LA are yellow fever victims.
1:27:47
No, Colonel.
1:27:48
This is a spy that we caught in the White House.
1:27:50
Would you take that guy out of here?
1:27:53
If there's any questioning of spies, that's my department.
1:27:56
You keep out of there.
1:27:58
As president, I'm also head of secret service.
1:28:01
I'm Mortimer Brewster.
1:28:02
Are you sure?
1:28:03
I'd like to talk to you about my brother Teddy, the one who blew the bugle.
1:28:06
We ain't gonna talk about this, Mr. Brewster. He's got to be put away.
1:28:09
I quite agree with you. In fact, it's all arranged for him.
1:28:11
I've got these commitment papers signed by Dr. Gilchrist, the family physician.
1:28:14
Uh, Teddy signed them himself, you see, and I've signed them as next of kin.
1:28:18
All right, where's he going?
1:28:20
Okay, I don't care where he goes, as long as he goes.
1:28:23
Oh, he's going all right.
1:28:24
But I want you to know that everything that's going on around here, Teddy's responsible for.
1:28:27
Now, those, uh, 13 bodies in the cellar...
1:28:29
Yeah, yeah, the 13 bodies in the cellar.
1:28:32
It ain't enough that the neighbors are all afraid of him.
1:28:33
What was this disturbing little piece without you?
1:28:35
Could you imagine what would happen from that cockeyed story about 13 bodies in the cell
1:28:38
that got around, and now he's starting a yellow fever scare?
1:28:40
Cute, ain't it?
1:28:42
13 bodies?
1:28:43
Do you think anyone would believe that story?
1:28:45
Well, you really don't know.
1:28:46
You don't know what to believe sometimes.
1:28:47
You know, some crazy guy, a while ago, started a murder room up in Greenpoint, and I had
1:28:51
to take him half an acre lot just to prove that he was actually crazy.
1:28:54
Oh, will you excuse me?
1:28:57
Good morning, Mortimer.
1:28:59
Good morning, dear.
1:29:00
This is Mr. Witherspoon.
1:29:01
He's come to meet Teddy.
1:29:03
Teddy? Mr. Witherspoon is the superintendent of Happydale. Oh, come right in. Uh, this is Captain...
1:29:07
Lieutenant, Rooney, glad you're here, super, because you're bringing him with you today.
1:29:11
Today? I don't know that. Not today. Listen, Elaine, I've got a lot of business to attend to,
1:29:15
so you run along home and I'll call you up. Not on your life. I had no idea it was this immediate.
1:29:19
The papers are all signed. He's going along with you today.
1:29:24
Late insubordination. You men will find him no mollycoddle when the president of the United
1:29:30
States...
1:29:31
It's treated in this way.
1:29:33
What's this country come to?
1:29:35
There's your man, super.
1:29:36
Oh, just a minute.
1:29:38
Mr. President, I have very good news for you.
1:29:40
Your term of office is over.
1:29:41
Is this March the 4th?
1:29:44
Oh, yes, my hunter goes to Africa.
1:29:46
Well, I must get started immediately.
1:29:49
Is he trying to move into office before I've moved out?
1:29:53
Oh, this isn't Mr. Taft, Teddy.
1:29:55
This is Mr. Witherspoon.
1:29:57
He's to be your guide in Africa.
1:29:58
Ah, but...
1:29:59
Bully, Bully, I'll bring down my equipment.
1:30:01
When the safari comes, tell them to wait.
1:30:03
Goodbye, Aunt Abby.
1:30:05
Goodbye, Aunt Martha.
1:30:06
I'm off to Africa.
1:30:07
Isn't it wonderful?
1:30:09
Good morning, darlings.
1:30:10
Are we visitors?
1:30:11
This is Lieutenant Rooney.
1:30:13
How do you do, Lieutenant?
1:30:14
My, you don't look like the fuss, but it's policemen say you are.
1:30:17
Why the lieutenant is here, you know, Teddy Blue's bugle again last night.
1:30:21
Oh, yes, we must speak to him about that.
1:30:23
I'm sorry, Mr. Fisher.
1:30:23
It's a little bit more serious than that.
1:30:25
And haven't you met Mr. Witherspoon?
1:30:27
superintendent of Happy Day. Mr. Witherspoon, how do you do? Oh, Mr. Witherspoon, you've come to meet
1:30:31
Teddy. He's come to take him. Aunties, the police want Teddy to go there today. Oh, no.
1:30:37
Not while
1:30:37
we're alive. I'm sorry, Miss Brewsters, but the law, but I'm sorry. He signed, he signed all
1:30:42
the
1:30:43
papers. He has to go today. We won't permit it. We'll promise to take the bugle away from him.
1:30:48
We
1:30:48
won't be separated from Teddy. I'm sorry, ladies, but the law is the law. He's committed himself
1:30:52
and he's going. Well, if he goes, we're going as well. Yes.
1:30:55
You'll have to take us with him.
1:30:57
Well, why not?
1:30:58
Well, that's who doesn't want to, but you see, it's impossible.
1:31:01
We can't take Stain.
1:31:02
People are at Happydale.
1:31:03
Oh, Mr. Witherspoon, if you'll let us live with Teddy,
1:31:05
we'll make sure that Happydale is in our will for a very generous fortune.
1:31:09
Well, the Lord knows we need money, but I'm afraid.
1:31:12
Now, let's be sensible about this, ladies.
1:31:14
For instance, here I am wasting my morning.
1:31:15
When I have serious work to do, you know there's still murders to be solved in Brooklyn.
1:31:19
Um, oh, are there?
1:31:21
It ain't only his bugle blowing and the neighbors are all afraid.
1:31:23
him, it would only get worse. You know, as soon as you went to the trouble of digging
1:31:26
up your cellar.
1:31:27
Our cellar?
1:31:28
Yeah, your nevets have been going around telling people that there's thirteen bodies
1:31:31
in your cellar.
1:31:31
But there are thirteen bodies in our cellar.
1:31:34
If that's why you think that Teddy has to go away, then you come downstairs and we'll
1:31:37
prove it to you.
1:31:38
There's one, Mr. Spinalzo, who doesn't belong there will have to leave, but the other twelve
1:31:43
are our gentlemen.
1:31:44
I don't think the lieutenant wants to go down in the cellar. He was telling me that
1:31:47
just recently he had to dig up a half-acre lot. Weren't you, lieutenant?
1:31:50
That's right.
1:31:51
have to dig here the graves are all marked we put flowers in them every sunday flowers say
1:31:58
don't you
1:31:58
thinking don't you think you can find room for these ladies super well you come along with us
1:32:03
and we'll show you the graves i'll take your word for a lady i'm a busy man how about it super well
1:32:07
they have to be committed well teddy committed himself can't they sign the papers yes if you
1:32:11
let us live with teddy we'll certainly sign the papers where are they yes where are they
1:32:16
good morning mr klein oh mr klein are you here too
1:32:19
Yeah, bro with me, I've got your other nephew out in the kitchen.
1:32:23
Well, let's get this all cleaned up.
1:32:24
I want to get them out of here as soon as possible.
1:32:27
Thirteen bodies.
1:32:28
And you here, Aunt Abby?
1:32:30
I'm really looking forward to leaving.
1:32:32
The neighborhood here has just changed, so...
1:32:34
I want to think of front lawn again.
1:32:36
Oh, we're overlooking something.
1:32:38
We're going to need the signature of a doctor.
1:32:40
Oh, a Dr. Einstein!
1:32:41
Would you come over here?
1:32:42
We'd like to have you sign some papers for us.
1:32:44
Please, I must.
1:32:45
Just come right over, doctor.
1:32:46
At one point last night, I thought the doctor...
1:32:48
is going to operate on me.
1:32:49
Just come right over, Doctor.
1:32:51
Just side here, Doctor.
1:32:52
Where are you leaving, Doctor?
1:32:53
I think I must go.
1:32:54
You're not going to wait for Jonathan?
1:32:56
I don't think we're going to the same place.
1:32:58
Oh, hello, Lynn.
1:32:59
Good to see you.
1:32:59
Stick around, huh?
1:33:01
I'm going to.
1:33:11
Yeah, we caught that guy that's wanted in Indiana.
1:33:14
Okay, yeah.
1:33:15
There's a description of the complex.
1:33:16
right there on the desk. Could you read it to me?
1:33:18
Okay, about 5 '4", 140 pounds, 4 '8", oh
1:33:24
no, oh no, no, he's 54, okay, yeah, 54, 4 '8",
1:33:27
140 pounds, brown eyes, talks with a German accent, poses a doctor.
1:33:32
Okay, thanks, Mac.
1:33:34
Oh, it's all right, Lieutenant, the doctor here has just signed the papers.
1:33:39
Thank you, Doctor, you're really doing Brooklyn a service.
1:33:42
Oh, Mr. Bruce.
1:33:44
You say now it's next of kin.
1:33:45
Of course, right here?
1:33:46
That's fine.
1:33:49
So that makes everything complete?
1:33:50
Everything legal?
1:33:51
Oh, yes.
1:33:52
Well, aunties, now you're safe.
1:33:54
When do you think you'll be ready to start?
1:33:56
Mr. Witherspoon, why don't you go upstairs and tell Teddy just so he can take along?
1:34:00
I'll show him.
1:34:01
No, Mortimer, we want to speak to you.
1:34:03
Yes, Mr. Witherspoon, just go upstairs and turn to the left.
1:34:07
Well, Mortimer, now that we're leaving, this house really is yours.
1:34:11
Yes, dear, we want you to live here.
1:34:12
here now. I couldn't do that, Aunt Abby. This house is too full of memories. But you'll
1:34:16
need a place to live when you and Elaine are married. Well, that's very indefinite. Oh,
1:34:20
it's nothing of the sort. Mortimer and I are going to be married right away. Mortimer,
1:34:24
Mortimer, we're really very worried about something. Well, you're going to love it at
1:34:27
Happydale. Oh, yes, we're very happy about the whole situation. That's just it. We don't
1:34:31
want anything to go wrong. Will they investigate those signatures? Don't worry. They're not
1:34:34
going to look up Dr. Einstein. It's not his signature, dear. It's yours. You see, you
1:34:38
sign his next of kin. Oh,
1:34:40
Of course. Why not?
1:34:42
Well, it's something we never wanted to tell you, but you're a man now, and Elaine should know, too.
1:34:46
You're not really a Brewster.
1:34:48
Your mother came to us as a cook, and you were born about three months afterwards.
1:34:52
But she was such a sweet woman and such a good cook, we didn't want to lose her.
1:34:56
So brother married her.
1:34:58
I'm not really a Brewster?
1:35:00
Now, don't feel badly about it, dear.
1:35:01
And Elaine, it won't make any difference to you either.
1:35:04
Elaine, do you see? Do you understand?
1:35:06
I'm a bastard!
1:35:09
Well, I really must see about breakfast.
1:35:12
Oh, Mortimer's coming over to my house.
1:35:13
Father's gone over to Philadelphia,
1:35:15
and Mortimer and I are going to have breakfast together.
1:35:17
Yes, I need some coffee.
1:35:19
I've had quite a night.
1:35:22
Take this with you!
1:35:27
Oh, Jonathan, are you leaving?
1:35:29
Yep, there are some people back in Indiana
1:35:31
that want to take care of him for the rest of his life.
1:35:34
Well, Jonathan, where is my studio?
1:35:36
someplace to go. Yes, we're leaving too. We're going to Happydale. Then this house is seen
1:35:42
the last of the Brewsters. Oh, unless Mortimer wants to live here. I have a suggestion to make.
1:35:46
Why don't you turn the property over to the church? Well, we never thought of that. After all,
1:35:52
it should be part of the cemetery. Well, let's go. I want to get this all cleaned up. Come on.
1:35:56
The score stands even. Twelve to twelve. Come on, let's go. Come on.
1:36:05
Jonathan always was a mean boy.
1:36:07
I never could stand to see anyone get ahead of him.
1:36:10
Mr. Witherspoon, does your family live with you at Happydale?
1:36:13
Well, I have no family.
1:36:16
Well, I guess you consider everyone at Happydale your family?
1:36:19
I'm afraid you don't quite understand.
1:36:20
As head of the Institute, I have to keep my head quite aloof.
1:36:22
That must make it quite lonely for you.
1:36:24
It does, but my duty is, well, my duty.
1:36:27
Well, Martha, if Mr. Witherspoon won't join us for breakfast,
1:36:32
I think we should...
1:36:33
at least all from a glass of elderberry wine.
1:36:36
Elderberry wine, why yes.
1:36:38
At Happydale, our relationship will be much more formal.
1:36:41
But here, I thought,
1:36:43
you don't see much elderberry wine nowadays.
1:36:45
I thought I had my last glass of it.
1:36:47
Oh no.
1:36:48
Well, here it is.
1:37:01
Thank you.
1:38:53
I'm going
1:39:00
to take a look at the top of the top of the top.
